Sponsored by Claudia Kraus Piper, Janet Kelman, Deb Kraus, Barbara Boyk Rust, Debbie Field, Linder Sattler, Lia Farber, and Ellen Sapper.
When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2003, I was very ill for the next few years and was bed bound months at a time. In bed not able to do much my aunt came to visit and brought me an inspirational book, Healing is a Choice. I read the entire book which took me a month due to the blurry and distorted vision I was experiencing. I didn’t understand how healing is a choice? I was in bed and miserable. If I choose, I choose not to have MS and be sick. I did not realize it at the time but now understand the message of healing is a choice and know it has been with me the whole time.
Healing is a choice. Having a chronic illness can feel like you are losing control over everything in your life. Your body and mind are being attacked by your own body. I can choose to respond with love and compassion to the circumstance or respond with anger, separation, fear and hate. I understand how an initial reaction can be negative but counterproductive toward the energy of healing. What we hate grows. I want my healing and love to grow.
But, what I have come to learn living with MS for more than 15 years is the crucial choices and control I have of my experiences and how I react to them. A perfect example of this happened a few weeks ago. I woke up the morning of my stem cell harvest at 4:30 am and ate breakfast and got all my oils and motivational and inspiring books in my bag.
Ready to go! Let’s do this!
The nurse calls my number to take me to a room for preparation. I am in good spirits feeling energized and walked away with the nurse. Confidently walking and talking with the nurse, I tell her “today is going to be a good day”! Then I trip over my own feet and land on both my knees almost knocking over the nurse walking in front of me.
I immediately felt tears swelling up in my eyes. I felt so stupid. Here comes my negative talk. I tripped earlier today, I should of been more careful. Literally saying, “today is going to be a good day” and I hit the floor. Then I started to laugh and got up. The nurse then helped me to the room and I had some time alone before I was off to the next room for the neck catheter insertion.
I thought to myself “Okay, I can let this experience bring me down and set the tone for the rest of the day OR I can let it go laugh it off and be more careful and mindful of my walking.”
I stopped the negative talk to myself and gave myself a big metaphorical hug and said to myself again, “today is still going to be a good day.”
I learned to acknowledge the fear and negative thoughts going through my head and kindly let it go and make my intention towards healing. I shift my mind and thoughts in the direction of healing, light and love. For me the self talk and self chatter in my head is the voice of God, love and compassion. We have the world out there to judge us tell us we are not good enough. Why not make your own world in your head full of love, compassion and empathy? I have MS, and some days can be challenging but since seeing my healing as a choice I have been able to experience the miracle of everyday.
